Roller Coaster

As I write this post, I'm feeling a bit guilty. Logan and Owen stayed home tonight with their Grandpa and Dad while their Grandma and I attended a conference at church. We returned home a bit early to find Jacob bathing both boys. The noises behind the door are so joyful that I didn't want to interrupt them to even let them know I'm home! So I'll write and let the "Washy washy wash your face. Washy washy wash your belly...leggy, etc." continue:)
Jacob has returned from a wonderful trek in New Mexico and we are so excited to all be together again. We had a great visit with friends from CA...so good to see them and visit area sites with them. They made me miss our CA friends all the more. Well, it is August 1st and I really thought that I would be able to write with great certainty where we will be moving next. Rather, I am all the more uncertain! Through recent talks with Savoonga, we have learned that the situation is much more complex than we ever dreamed it could be. I think the soonest we will receive a yes/no answer is another month. I will be the first to admit that my emotional stability grows less and less with each passing day! I cling to a recent word written to me by a friend. She knows that within God's timing, He will make it very clear which path we are to take. Tonight, as I sang and listened to the woman speak at church, I meditated on phrases like, "Will I be willing to leave everything I treasure behind" and I thought of Savoonga. That's a bit exaggerative. I wouldn't be leaving everything I treasure behind if we went to Savoonga, but I would be leaving many things, such as, family, friends, the luxury of enjoying much time outdoors, etc. And granted, we would be finding new joys in Savoonga...new community, etc. However, I'd be leaving enough behind that it has been a big step for me to embrace moving to Savoonga...each and every time that I've made the decision to go! I'm someone who needs to fully do something or fully not. I have a very hard time going back and forth and for several months that is exactly what has been happening. I can no longer say that I'm sure that we will be moving to Savoonga. As time has progressed, I saw clearly how things were weaving together, making it seem that we were being led on the path to Savoonga. Now, as I wait and ponder our next calling in life, I see how I could just as easily point out how God has been closing the doors and leading us elsewhere. Ihhh! Why does it have to be so hard?!! So I sit on this roller coaster with my boxes packed and labeled Savoonga and I'm so very excited to get off and know where I'm really going. In the meantime, I'm grateful for family who is gracious enough to let us store our remaining possessions at their homes(mostly my sister's) and let us sort through our life. Lord willing, by September 1st, I'll let you all know our new address!